The time is now 

Do you ever wish that you had the ability to wipe your memory clean of something? Like the scenes from Men in Black when they use the little “flashy light” device, also known as a Neuralizer, to erase a person’s memory and then give them a synopsis of their new one.

There are so many days I wish I could “flashy light” myself and make me forget several kinds of food. I know I have mentioned it before, but I am not afraid to say that I am fat. Ideally I need to lose about 60 pounds.

Yes, I am a stay at home mom, but no I am not eating all day long. In fact, there are many meals that I skip because I am too busy doing other things. The downfall of this is that I over indulge on the meals that I do eat, usually dinner.

Not that I did not like sweets before, but when I was pregnant with Poppy I had a serious sugar craving problem. I was always wanting cookies and donuts. While I have cut back a lot, there are still times when the urge is too much.

One of my greatest downfalls is self discipline. I don’t know why it is so hard to do things the right way. It is like, I know what I need to do and I will plan for that, but it doesn’t stick. I could stay up all night thinking I am going to change, for real this time. Then tomorrow comes and it is like I have completely forgotten where I want to be. Not just with food, but with exercise too.

I am not looking to be a size zero. Quite frankly, my stature would look malnourished if I were to be that small. Not only that, but I do like having curves. I just want to be able to wear clothes that I like. I have a very specific style, but it is hard finding things that fit me. The first struggle is that I am tall for a woman. I am 5 foot 9. The obvious second struggle is the extra weight that I have on my body. It makes it hard to find things that flatter me, make me feel good, and that I actually like.

I want to make a change and I know I need to. At the same time, I feel so alone. Which I know should not matter because this is my body, not anyone else’s and only I can change it. I know there is no magic pill or smoothie that I can take that will flush all this fat off. I know it is going to take a lot of hard work and dedication. Except, when I am constantly putting myself last, it makes it all much more difficult.

I really need to stop throwing myself on the back burner. I deserve to be healthy. My kids deserve to have a healthy mother for as long as possible. I don’t want to carry around this burden. How can I keep reminding myself of this every day, but still continue not to do enough about it?

So tonight, in the midst of my internal yelling match with myself, I started looking at Pinterest. Yes, I told you I am an addict. So I was looking at ways to keep myself motivated when I came across a saying that said ,”I’ll ride this out. My cravings will be gone in fifteen minutes if I direct my attention elsewhere.” It got me thinking, HOW can I distract myself?

Part of the reason I struggle is because I am a little impulsive. When I want something, I go for it. Usually there is nothing that can stop me. When these impulses hit, what can I do to stop myself and direct my attention somewhere else?

I decided I am going to physically write out a list of the things that I could do and hang it on the fridge. That way when I am feeling impulsive to make a batch of brownies, I can revert my attention to something else. Perhaps when I get this list finished I will share it with you and let you know how it works out. I really hope this helps with getting a grip on the sweet tooth cravings.

This week, a really good friend of mine, gave me some “goodies” to help me make a change. She recently has made many changes and has been doing an amazing job at staying disciplined to lose weight (you know who you are, YOU TOTALLY ROCK!). I envy her dedication. I want to have that drive 100% of the time. Anyways, she gave me a food scale, the meal plan her coach gave her, and some home grown veggies. 

Since we are always on a budget and already have the rest of this week meal planned out, I cannot officially start 100% on the meal plan until the new week starts. I am currently in the process of meal planning that out.

My first goal is to fit into a pair of pants that I bought a few months ago. I have been wanting to wear them for a long time, but they just do not fit properly. 

After my c-section with Pickle I developed what I call my “hang down” others call it a mother’s pouch. If you have had children, you will know what I am talking about. Your skin is not tight and neither are your muscles. I still have not regained muscle memory in that region. Trying to do sit ups is a nightmare because I cannot get more than half an inch off the ground without some kind of assistance from another muscle. It is my biggest problem area. I have heard that planking might be a better avenue. I am going to start that up again.

There are just so many things that go into this in order for me to be where I want to be. I need to hold myself accountable. I need to put myself back in the front line of priorities so that I can make this happen and maintain it.  I am worth that much. I only have one shot. Everyday is going to pass whether I lose the weight or not. I cannot slow time down. I don’t want to be 50 years old wishing I would have done something when I was 27 (now). The time is now, I HAVE to do this. I plan on posting updates, though I don’t have a specific timeline just yet.

If you haven’t yet, click the follow button so you can follow me along on my life’s journey.

If you have any tips, feel free to share them with me in the comments.

Until next time,

-Jenn