Blogmas 2019: day twenty four

When the first person in the family to fall asleep on Christmas eve is not one of your children ­čśĆ. As per usual, Chris fell asleep before anyone else. What a gomer.

Anyways!

Today was a serious mental struggle for me. Logically I cannot pinpoint a single reason as to why. Which honestly I am finding to be ironic as I have seen people posting things the last few days about holiday mentality. Chris even saw a sign about it and how to practice self care during the season.

I don’t know what it is, but today I just have been overly emotional. My mind spinning with random thoughts that make no sense or have any present meaning to me. I have felt like just going into a cave, having a good cry session, and falling asleep for 10 hours. I have felt like I could be on the verge of another serious panic attack. I have been literally sick to my stomach because the anxiety is so high. And what for? I really don’t know!

It isn’t like today was a bad day by any means. Sure I didn’t get enough sleep, or a nap, but it wasn’t a bad day. We went to Chris’ parents and inside I was struggling. Pickle had asked me to build blocks in the basement with him. I went, but found myself struggling to focus and be fully present. Then once I realized it, I felt shame and guilt over it. I just don’t get why it has to happen, for what feels like no reason.

Alas here I am though. Cuddling Bug, waiting for more snores from the hallway to start so that I can get things finished. Luckily we came prepared and it won’t take me long.

Here is to hoping for a silent night tonight so I can get some solid sleep and enjoy Christmas day as I know and love it.

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