After finally being cleared from the ever so fun Corona virus, the kids and I took a trip to Target. We decided to check out the holiday shop, it didn’t take long before I realized something just felt different.
Usually as soon as I see Christmas stuff, I get super excited and want to purchase everything. This year though, I have felt less excitement. Which is really weird for me as Christmas has always been my favorite time of the year. As we were walking through each aisle I felt little to no excitement. The products themselves were cute, but I knew this has nothing to do with this year’s line of items. Literally the only things that I saw and I felt intrigued on was wrapping paper. -Is this a sign of me getting “old”?
I also use to love the idea of hosting holiday dinners for my family. I use to be the one dubbed to cook and would even go all out making everything from scratch. That was until my sister in law came into the picture and her joy in hosting/cooking was more than my own. I realized just how much stress hosting had brought on me, making it difficult to find joy in standing in the kitchen all day instead of actually relaxing and being with the fam. This week, we are talking Thanksgiving plans, and I have had zero desire to cook anything or host anything. Am I becoming an old lady version of Scrooge? What is happening to me? We did decide that potluck style is easiest for our family, everyone brings a dish or two. I am always appointed the duty of bringing the green bean casserole. I am fine with doing that 🙂.
I think part of my issue is having realized the last couple of years that certain things don’t last around here, like the pretty decor. Or even, the outdoor displays. At our old house my yard was decked out with inflatables and our roof line was perfectly lit. This house gets really bad winds and inflatables just don’t last. I have only one left and we just got him last year [Grinch]. Our lights quit working last year and we ended up throwing them away with plans to buy new ones this year. Instead I found myself looking for estimates from companies that install the lights for us. Unfortunately, they want $800+ and I just can’t justify that cost. So now I am considering not even putting lights up on the house. Maybe I will just do the porch, but again, with our snow and north winds would there really be a point? I don’t find joy in things taking a crap and wasting money.
Am I losing my spirit? I don’t feel any more depressed than my usual self, so I don’t really think it is that. I don’t like feeling like this though and am not sure how to turn it around. I thought maybe bringing the decor out would help, but I just keep thinking about things getting broken; being used as toys when they aren’t toys. So I haven’t had the desire to bring the totes up. I do feel part of the issue is that this year went by so fast that it feels like last Christmas was a couple of months ago. This year has just been crazy. Difficult, trying, consuming, liberating, fun, and everything in between.
I am trying to focus on the stuff that does bring me joy right now. Planning the kid’s Christmas lists, shopping for them [about 70% done], wrapping paper, planning for our heathens [Bob the elf] arrival, movies, books, and probably doing some baking soon are the things I am enjoying. Maybe everything else will just fall in place as the days go on.
Just know you are allowed to say no to things you don’t find joy in. You aren’t obligated to bring joy to others if it doesn’t bring joy to you, like hosting the entire family and spending all day stressed out. If you don’t enjoy it, that doesn’t make you a bad person. Find what does bring you joy and roll with that. That is what I am choosing to do.