I Am Not Ashamed

Yes I am a large woman and No I am not ashamed of it.

Perhaps it is the social anxiety, or years of bullying I endured simply for having “extra” amounts of fat or skin, that makes me feel as though people think I am, or should be, ashamed of my body.

I can honestly say, I am not ashamed. Though, I won’t lie, it took me many years to get to that point.

Sure, I know I am fat and have excess skin, but I don’t feel nor should I feel ashamed of it. No I don’t think it is of optimal health to be the weight that I am. It is something I continually work on. Sometimes though my will power is null.

My body has gone through hell. I started as a thin bean, but as soon as puberty started my body ballooned. I have fluctuated weight so much before meeting my now husband at the ripe age of 20. Even then, I always thought I was fat. I thought people were trying to be nice by saying I was crazy to think that. Looking back at pictures now, I don’t see myself as fat as I felt then. As soon as we got married though, I ballooned way up. Like 50 pounds in the first year. I also did get pregnant. With him being a csection, I have lost a lot of muscle memory in my abdomen. I can’t even do a legitimate sit up anymore on my own. My body literally cannot do it.

Add in 2 more pregnancies and my health problems and life and, here I am today. I am not ashamed of my body. I may have more than I want and need, but I only have one body and I must embrace it during every season of life. Does that mean I should be purposely left out of pictures because people think that I am ashamed of it? I would rather my kids have those pictures of me than none at all.

I think social media and this whole sharing frenzy has made people more sensitive about looks. Whatever happened to just having pictures for a photo album in a chest at the end of your bed? Am I the only millennial that still believes in photo albums? Regardless, I want to be in the pictures, too. I exist too. Fat or skinny. Excess skin hanging down or tummy tucked. I am not ashamed to have extra and I definitely am not denying it either.

I love who I am and I love my body and what it has provided for my life. It is a journey and literally the only thing that I get to keep with me, is my body. Regardless of it’s size.


1 Comment

  1. Thank you for sharing this. It has taken me far too many years to accept myself as I am. For years my Dr. would tell me how I needed to lose weight to keep my blood pressure down (white coat syndrome). Finally I’d had enough. I told him “my Dad’s family is short and fat and my Mom’s family is tall and fat so you tell me what my chances are to be a size10”. He admitted that was a valid factor. After that no problems with blood pressure.
    You are correct about about how society judges people. I had an employer tell me how he didn’t want to hire me because I was fat and fat people are lazy but the VP said yes.
    I still avoid having my picture taken so I need to work on that. Again, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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