I Am Not Ashamed

Yes I am a large woman and No I am not ashamed of it.

Perhaps it is the social anxiety, or years of bullying I endured simply for having “extra” amounts of fat or skin, that makes me feel as though people think I am, or should be, ashamed of my body.

I can honestly say, I am not ashamed. Though, I won’t lie, it took me many years to get to that point.

Sure, I know I am fat and have excess skin, but I don’t feel nor should I feel ashamed of it. No I don’t think it is of optimal health to be the weight that I am. It is something I continually work on. Sometimes though my will power is null.

My body has gone through hell. I started as a thin bean, but as soon as puberty started my body ballooned. I have fluctuated weight so much before meeting my now husband at the ripe age of 20. Even then, I always thought I was fat. I thought people were trying to be nice by saying I was crazy to think that. Looking back at pictures now, I don’t see myself as fat as I felt then. As soon as we got married though, I ballooned way up. Like 50 pounds in the first year. I also did get pregnant. With him being a csection, I have lost a lot of muscle memory in my abdomen. I can’t even do a legitimate sit up anymore on my own. My body literally cannot do it.

Add in 2 more pregnancies and my health problems and life and, here I am today. I am not ashamed of my body. I may have more than I want and need, but I only have one body and I must embrace it during every season of life. Does that mean I should be purposely left out of pictures because people think that I am ashamed of it? I would rather my kids have those pictures of me than none at all.

I think social media and this whole sharing frenzy has made people more sensitive about looks. Whatever happened to just having pictures for a photo album in a chest at the end of your bed? Am I the only millennial that still believes in photo albums? Regardless, I want to be in the pictures, too. I exist too. Fat or skinny. Excess skin hanging down or tummy tucked. I am not ashamed to have extra and I definitely am not denying it either.

I love who I am and I love my body and what it has provided for my life. It is a journey and literally the only thing that I get to keep with me, is my body. Regardless of it’s size.


One reply to “I Am Not Ashamed

  1. Thank you for sharing this. It has taken me far too many years to accept myself as I am. For years my Dr. would tell me how I needed to lose weight to keep my blood pressure down (white coat syndrome). Finally I’d had enough. I told him “my Dad’s family is short and fat and my Mom’s family is tall and fat so you tell me what my chances are to be a size10”. He admitted that was a valid factor. After that no problems with blood pressure.
    You are correct about about how society judges people. I had an employer tell me how he didn’t want to hire me because I was fat and fat people are lazy but the VP said yes.
    I still avoid having my picture taken so I need to work on that. Again, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

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