Selfish Thoughts Are Not Welcome

Well, we have made it to the 32 week mark. Which means I have 2 weeks left to make it to the 34 week goal.

I honestly wasn’t sure I would make it this far, but I am glad for each day that little man stays inside.

Last night was rough. Chris has been at home battling some kind of stomach bug. I told him to go to the ER last night and get medication because if this baby comes while he is sick it just would not be good. He spent about 4 hours or so at the ER.

I wound up falling asleep sometime after 2am. Then of course at 4am I was woke up for vitals. Then woke up again at 615 and 8. Needless to say I didn’t sleep much. I pretty much slept through most of the day in between vital checks and eating. It was a pretty chill day until around 5pm or so.

All day my back had been bugging me. I figured it was just from laying down all day, but then sometime after 5pm I started feeling crampy. I let the nurse know what was going on. We decided to put me on the monitors to see if anything was being picked up. Things just seemed to slowly escalate from there.

I kept (and keep) having to stop myself from these selfish thoughts. As annoying and frustrating as the pains are and as much as I want them to end, I also know that it is much better for little man to continue to stay put for as long as we can keep him in there. I guess it is more so the frustration of not knowing when exactly things should be taken more seriously.

The nurses and doctors repeat the same things every day, “if the fluid changes” or “if you have bright red blood” or “if you feel contractions” or “if you just don’t feel good or feel right” then to let them know. So, to me, that tells me if any of that happens I should be concerned. However, apparently that isn’t always the case. There always seems to be grey area for each thing. It is frustrating not knowing 100%.

I am trying really hard to keep calm and keep the selfish thoughts away. Though, I admit that sometimes it is easier said than done.

From my hospital bed,


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