Mom Guilt [During Pregnancy]
Today has just been one of those days.
Pickle is sick, so I kept him home from school. Of course, he has never really been the type to just sleep when he is sick. I was really hoping that it meant I would get some extra sleep early this morning so I could be productive for the day before having to work tonight.
I should know by now, I should not get my hopes up. Pickle woke up around the same time that I would have woke him up for school. Monkey woke up not long after. They both plopped in bed with me and requested to watch a show. I put on a movie. I tried to go back to sleep, but every so often I would be woken up with Monkey’s feet kicking my belly. They both kept flopping around. After that movie, I put on another one. Again, hoping to just get an hour of solid sleep. Nope. I started getting cranky. Pickle decided to get them some food, fruit snacks and string cheese. Normally I would say no, but today I was too tired to care.
It was about 11am before I gave up trying to sleep. I knew we all needed to eat and they weren’t going to cooperate in staying in bed all day (rightfully so). After making brunch, I made myself at home on the couch. As usual Monkey requested to watch Frozen. She also decided to pull out all the toys she can find and throw them on the floor. I was still too tired to care.
The only thing I managed to do today was get a balloon string out from the ceiling fan.
Next thing I know its after 2pm and Chris is on his way home from work. I was still on the couch, doing nothing. I know creating a person is tiring, but man today was just awful.
Sometime after 4pm, I began having contractions. I am only 23.5 weeks pregnant. I should not be having consistent timeable contractions. Yet, here I am. Trying to eat dinner while every 2 minutes a new one starts, was frustrating. I wound up calling into work because they still have not let up. I am currently cradling a pillow, on my side, in bed, with a heating pad, and large water bottle of water. I feel like crap and have all day from being so tired and feeling guilty for not getting anything accomplished.
Then if I think about it, my body is doing a lot. Whether I see it or not, it is creating this little life. It is working hard to ensure that this being has everything he needs, regardless if it diminishes my supply. My body is hard at work 24/7. Plus, the kids managed to stay alive even though I feel like I didn’t do much for them today. Besides, I know it is a temporary situation.
Pregnancy seems to bring the mom guilt on in full force. However, that too is only temporary.
Now if only these contractions would stop on their own, that would be marvelous.