When people decide to procreate (accidental or purposeful) one of the biggest things that they are concerned about (as they should be) is who will watch said child when they are at work.
Some people are able to have one parent stay home while the other works to support the family’s financial needs. Sometimes, a couple works opposite schedules so that the child is always with a parent while also supporting the family’s financial needs. Some families utilize daycare facilities or at home daycares while they are at work. Some families have friends or relatives watch their child(ren) so that they are able to work.
It should be common sense to have a plan in place, at least by time the baby is born. You have 8.5 months to figure this major thing out. You really don’t have an excuse. If you choose daycare you find one that you like and set everything up for your child to attend. If you stay at home, then you have that plan. If you have a friend or relative available then you should have that conversation with them long before assuming they will watch your child (especially for free).
When a person decides to have unprotected sex, or even the idea of trying to get pregnant, there should be a thought process behind it.
(Yes I understand promiscuous people are not likely thinking about a “just in case” plan- though they should be).
Before Chris and I got married, we had a conversation about having children. We decided it was best for our family if one of us could stay with the children so that we don’t have to pay for daycare or attempt to burden someone else with our responsibilities. Right after we got married, my husband quit his job at Walmart and started working for a garbage company. He did that because of the pay and benefits, we knew it would allow me the opportunity to stay home with our children while they are very young. We agreed that I would be the one to stay home because A) Breastfeeding B) I had more experience with babies and C) My husband would easily go stir crazy if he had to stay home all of the time.
When we decided we wanted another baby, we discussed how to fit that into our finances. Seeing other people rely on relatives, ungratefully, really irritated us. We didn’t want to be those people. Of course the idea of free daycare is appealing, but what does that mean for the person taking on our responsibilities? No one is ever obligated to watch your children, free of charge. They are your children, your responsibility. If you are lucky enough to have someone who watches your children 2, 4, 8 (or more) hours a day, you should thank your lucky stars. You should be utterly grateful in the fact that they are willing to do this for you. You should constantly express your gratitude to them. Think about it..
These people are basically your child’s parent for the amount of time that you’re gone. Think you go crazy parenting your own children for a day? Imagine how you would feel if you were older (like grandparents) and having to keep up with these rambunctious little beings from morning to night, 5 days a week. It’s tiring. Then you have to add in other things, like do they go on playdates, “field trips”, or carpool your child to and from school. You also have to account for any of the “rules” you give these caretakers. Like whether or not the child can watch t.v. or what sort of diet the child is on. They are catering to their every need every single minute. If you have multiple children then it is even more exhausting. Each age needs a different amount of supervision and dietary needs. It is a lot to handle.
We just felt like it should be no one elses responsibility but ours.
After we had our second child, we had a conversation about me working just to pay off more debt and have some extra money. I took a part time job in the evenings so that at least one of us is always with our kids. I work about 3 evenings a week and sometimes Saturday during the day. Chris works full time roughly from 5am to 3pm. The days I work, we hardly see each other, but we do what we have to in order to support our family and our wants/needs.
The point is, we had a plan. We communicated our wants, we took action on those wants, and have been making it work.