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A letter to my 10-year-old self.

Things are intense right now. Dad just left the house for another woman. Mom is a mess, not knowing what to do. Try to find the good in things. Don’t let your anger control you because then you will end up like me, short fused. 

It is okay to be sad, but know none of it was your fault. I know you are going to feel left out, but remember everyone is going through this too. It is rough for everyone. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. Don’t let it get swept under the rug.

Don’t beat a dead horse. You cannot change him. You can only change yourself and your reaction. Do not hold onto hope that isn’t there, it will be the biggest waste of time. He won’t change. Just try to see the good, but still be cautious.

Love is not a fairy tale. Just because he did this does not mean you cannot trust anyone. It does not mean that everyone you meet will do the same as he did.

You are going to hurt for a while. Don’t bottle it up. Talk about it. Make them listen.

Eventually, there will be a new figure in your life. Respect him, he will be your saving grace for years to come. Don’t piss him off by singing Whitney Houston and drumming at 1 o’clock in the morning. Learn to respect quiet, even when you are wanting to scream.

Use your voice for good.

Grab mom’s face and tell her to listen to you. Also understand the hurt she is suffering, that may make it hard for her to fully listen. Don’t stop until she does.

Also, just give him the fucking blanket. He is a lot younger than you and doesn’t yet understand the concept of cleaning up after himself.

Treasure the time you have with grandpa and grandma because it certainly won’t be enough. Ask them questions about their lives. Get the recipes for all the family favorites like fricken chicken. Never pass up the opportunity to see them, you will regret it later if you do.

Be nice to your siblings. You don’t need to dig your nails into them and fight. Just walk away. Though they may seem so, they are not perfect either.

You are not alone. You are loved. Do not forget that.

-Jenn

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