Are you done having kids?
One of the topics that comes up a lot is whether or not we are done having children. As soon as you give birth people ask you many questions like, “so will you have another?”
“Are you going to have more?”
“Are you done now that you have one of each?”
Why is it we feel the need to ask people this? Like, what does it matter to anyone else if we do have more kids or not? I get the curiosity because, as a baby obsessed person, I asked the same things. However, I didn’t realize what it was like for the other person, especially one who literally just gave birth.
Sitting in the hospital bed admiring your new baby. Your ladyparts are sore, the bloody gore that goes with it, and all of your hormones our of whack; the last thing most mom‘s are thinking about is having another baby.
After we had Pickle, I quickly knew that YES, we would have another child some day. Then we struggled with secondary infertility and I started wondering if that would ever happen. The pressure from the questions was hard to grip during that time.
[Back story] Before Chris and I got married we had talked about how many children we want to have. We had set the limit at 3 kids. For me, that was a compromise because I always wanted many children.
Immediately after Poppy was born, I felt so empowered that I really thought to myself, “I cannot wait to do this again.” That natural birth high is a totally real thing. People would ask me if we were done having kids. In my mind, I didn’t feel done.
At the same time, I felt content with the 2 we do have. After everything we went through to get pregnant the second time, I feared we would have to do that again. It definitely makes you appreciate the miracle that life is. It makes you feel even more grateful for the kids you do have.
Everyone says, you will know when you are done. I still don’t feel done. I have actually been thinking about trying again soon. I go back and forth.
I have heard it is nicer having your kids closer in age, it makes them bond closer. I have always had the thought that I want to be done by time I am 30 (that gives us a little over 2 years left). At the same time, I now know what it’s like having one child and confusing their world by having another.
The jealousy that the older kid gets when they aren’t always the center of attention. It is a difficult balance. What would adding another child cause not only him, but Poppy, too?
Would having another baby mean Poppy doesn’t get enough attention when she is too little to understand? How would that affect them later in their life? I don’t want them constantly struggling with feeling unloved or like they aren’t enough. I know what that is like.
Everything is about balance. Right now, I am content with where we are, but in my heart I know I am not done. I don’t know and can’t say when that will be, if it happens.
All I do know is I am enjoying my kids and the moments we have now. I dedicate everything I have, and am, to them. I am filled with so much love and gratitude for them. Everytime I look at them, I still cannot believe they are ours.
If one day we do have another baby, I know we will be all the more grateful for our lives together.