When you’re young, you don’t think of life as limited. At least, I didn’t. I was full of dreams when I was young. Very early on, I had dreamt about being an elementary school teacher, a mother, and a wife. I think now that this was because that was what my life was made up of. Seeing the adults in my life, my mom who was also a wife, being a mother to me and her other 3 children. Going to school and admiring how a teacher can teach.
By time I got into middle school, my dreams began to change. I no longer wanted to be a teacher, though the wife and mother dream still stayed intact. I had begun seeing myself living a different life. I thought I would be a singer. I didn’t really know how to get there, but singing became my passion. I would sing everywhere I went. If there was a song playing, I was singing along with it. I do remember my best friend and I recording a tape of me singing and sending it to a record label. It is funny thinking about that now.
In high school, dreams started to look a little bit like a joke. I understood that you can’t just claim yourself to be something, you have to actually go out and do it. Being a singer is probably one of the toughest jobs a person can get into. I had went to a star search contest. The guidelines did state they really didn’t want people attempting to sing Whitney Houston. I had gone through several song choices that I felt comfortable with, but also that were able to showcase my range. I had it down to 3 options. 1. An Evanescence song 2. The National Anthem and 3. Whitney Houston’s I will always love you. I did wind up singing Whitney Houston. I did wind up getting a call back. It turned out to be one of those too good to be true moments, or at least that is how it seemed. They wanted a large sum of money up front and for me to fly to Florida. So, I didn’t go.
I do remember wanting to dance. My family always made comments to me about my dancing, but I was never able to do anything about it (lack of money and support).
I also remember wanting to be a fashion designer. I think I might still have some of my old drawings some where, actually.
As I progressed further into high school, I really thought I would join the military. I had a less than supportive father, who was an ex Army Ranger. He doesn’t believe girls can do what boys can do. I wanted, so badly, to prove him wrong. I began heavily researching careers and requirements and had landed on the idea that I was suited for the front lines in combat. Mentally, I was more than willing to go. Physically, well, not so much. For some reason, I didn’t bother trying to push myself to prepare for going.
By time I actually graduated from high school, my dreams were next to nothing. The only thing I knew then, was I needed to get my own place and to do that you have to work. So I did. 3 weeks after graduating I moved out. It’s funny how adulting really brings you to reality. Like, oh, no dreams are allowed here.
I did the working thing for awhile, until after I met my husband and we knew we were getting married. That became my dream; to fulfill the dream I always had of getting married and having my own family. Check and check.
To this day I still wonder if I could have made it with my singing. I wouldn’t trade anything that I have now, for it or to find out.
Lately I have began to think about what I want to get out of my life. Like, what is it I want to accomplish; more than the things I already have. Some of the things I think would be really cool to do, aren’t necessarily things I know how to do or think I would be successful at.
For instance, one thing I always thought would be cool would be to have a restaurant. All too often when I go out to eat, I find myself wanting to try a little bit of everything. Except I don’t want to have to pay for and have to eat big portions. I thought it would be cool to have a restaurant where you can order small samples of things: The Sampler. Which recently has turned into a food truck discussion. That could be fun!
On a more logical note, I want to write. I want to write to inspire people. I want to write to show that just because I have a mental illness doesn’t make me a bad person. I want to write so my kids and their kids and so on can look and see who we were and what we did.
For awhile now, I have been thinking about writing children’s books. I think that would be so much fun!
One of my biggest dreams is to travel. I want to see and experience as much as I can. This is something my husband and I are working towards. Family goals I guess you could say. In order for that to be successful we have a lot of things we need to do first. The main thing is becoming debt free. It is a work in progress, but we will get there! We also want to buy an RV or camper. You experience things on a different level when you’re not staying in a hotel room. I want the kids to be out in nature. They love it and we love it.
We also have begun discussing the process of selling our house and buying our forever/dream house. There is just a lot to think about! Weighing the pros and cons and deciding where we want to put our money and livelihood into.
I think as you mature you realize dreams are more of a fantasy, at least for most people. However, there are still many dreams that you can accomplish if you’re willing to put in the work to get there. You are your only limitation.
All in all my dream is to live a happy life, with my family, doing the things we love and making so many memories. That’s what I call, the good stuff.