Every moment defines who you will become
There are moments in your life that define who you will be. Small moments and big moments that can impact your entire life.
You see, I am the product of a dysfunctional marriage, turned into a hasty divorce. THAT was one of my defining moments.
I never thought I was a child of a dysfunctional marriage. I thought everyone had families like mine. I know now I was too naive to notice.
To young to notice the deceit and the hurt going on behind closed doors. When I found out the truth, of course I was devastated. I didn’t blame myself as most psychologists claim children do in these situations. Though, looking back now I wonder, how did I not see it?
How did I not see the loveless marriage my parents were in? I was blissfully unaware, after all I was only 10 years old. In a way, though, I could consider that a good thing.
This dysfunction and one man’s hidden agenda caused me to break. Break to the point where trust is not something I can handle easily.
I am unable to fully trust anyone around me. I question motives and ponder “what if’s.” I like to believe people tell me the truth all of the time, but in my head I am never fully sure.
It’s like, nobody will ever have 100% of my trust. My trust level has a brick wall that not even the most honest person could climb over. It makes relationships, close ones, difficult. Always thinking people have a hidden agenda.
It makes it hard to forgive people, too. For some reason, I am really good at tracking lies. My instincts are usually spot on. Does that mean people can’t be forgiven? I also know that people are bound to make mistakes. No body is perfect.
I can forgive, but I cannot forget. If I let myself forget then it makes me naive to letting it happen again and I don’t want to be played for a fool.
Whilst I have gotten over the divorce itself and circumstances leading up to it, I can’t help but to stay guarded all of the time.